It was snowing heavily that day. I stubbornly put on the red tweed coat, stepped out in the surprised eyes of everyone, and went to the library to return the book I borrowed yesterday. In fact, I just don’t like sitting in my bedroom listening to their irrelevant gossip. I just want to try the tacit understanding between me and Jian again.
The library was empty, and I absently opened and closed the drawers. Suddenly someone hit me hard in the back and looked back. It was really him. I called in my heart the lesson nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine times! He is still elegant in jeans, natural and unrestrained, with a little chivalrous temperament, and his face is full of worries. We laughed heartlessly at each other. He checked his book card and I looked through my catalogue, but no one lent a book in the end.
“Let’s go,” he raised his wrist and looked at his watch. “We won’t be able to catch lunch later.”
Walking out of the library side by side with him, I deliberately walked very slowly. The wind blew my elegant red clothes, hunting in the snow like a flag. He suddenly stopped and asked me, “do you really think it’s a coincidence today?” I nodded. He pointed to the cowboy bag on his shoulder and told me that he had missed two classes and two very important classes, just because he saw me in red on the way to class
I listened quietly. I was so moved that I turned upside down, but I was indifferent on the surface. I’m serious that he shouldn’t skip class. After all, he is a senior monitor.
He nodded again and again. I couldn’t bear the look of injustice, pity and disappointment.
He sent me to the gate of the dormitory building. At that time, my clothes had become a thick snow dress. He patted me heavily, so that the snowflakes fell one after another, gradually revealing the bright color like fire.
“I can stop skipping classes, but I can’t help missing you, Amitabha,” he said.
I’m glad God polished Jian’s eyes and let him recognize such an ordinary and sensitive me among a group of beautiful and lively girls. I said to myself: if you want to marry in the future, marry the boy who shakes the snowflakes for me.
In the following days, I was so busy with some trivial things that I didn’t even have time to breathe. When I finally could sit down quietly and sort out my mood, I was disappointed to find that the telepathy between me and Jian had drifted away without a trace
I can’t stand the spring without a mirror. I found the dormitory of science students, climbed to the seventh floor and knocked on the door of a bedroom.
I said I wanted to find Jian. A boy wearing glasses told me that Jian moved and he no longer lived on campus.
Jian disappeared. From my 20-year-old world, he didn’t even leave a word.
Perhaps, it was still a tacit understanding that tempted me. On a rainy weekend a long time later, I ran nervously to a cinema far from home. I found it when I left. Still tall and thin, clear and beautiful, snuggling up to a girl with long hair. The girl has a pale beauty.
My name is Jian, and my voice trembles in the wind.
He could still maintain his constant calm and squeeze out a lifeless smile on his face full of thoughts.
“This is my girlfriend, Adele.” he introduced me to the girl with long hair, and then said to Adele, “this is Adele, a girl who can write poetry and is very special.”
It turned out that I was only a “special girl who can write poetry” in his eyes. I suddenly felt that the whole world was cheating me, and I laughed coldly.
Even I felt incredible. I greeted them calmly and blandly, blessed them, and then calmly said “goodbye” to him.
Jian said with concern: “what a heavy rain…”
I ignored his kindness. I interrupted him. I said I came with another boy. He is running in the heavy rain just to find me a special ice cream.
“You’re still so willful, Amitabha.” Jian smiled a little sadly and shook open a big purple umbrella in the wind. Holding an umbrella in one hand and holding Adele’s waist in the other, he slowly walked into the rain. His back was very gentle. A big umbrella was almost completely tilted on Adele’s head. No matter how big the wind and rain could not wet her bloodless skirt. People go to the street empty, residual lights like a dream, only the cold rain is still drenched with tears and helpless me.
When I got home, I had a high fever. It was so dark that there were words of suffering. When I first recovered from a serious illness, I became so calm and haggard. I locked all the red clothes with a big box. Since then, in the eyes of others, I have become a plain girl, no poetry, no story.
Time flows, I am still pale.
After graduating from college, I hosted a live program on the city’s economic radio station and listened to all kinds of life in the silent night.
Later, I got married and became a mother. In the cycle of busyness, I thought I had forgotten to learn, and I thought the past was dusty.
However, one day on the way to the live studio, snowflakes were flying in the sky, just like that morning seven years ago. I suddenly thought of Jian for no reason. I just felt a kind of pain cut into my heart.
The last phone call that night was from a girl with a very beautiful voice and a little sadness. She said she liked a boy since she was a child and vowed not to marry him. The boy is tall, thin and beautiful. He always likes to wear handsome jeans. The boy only regarded her as a beautiful and ignorant little sister. No matter how hard she tried, this feeling hasn’t changed for more than ten years. Later, she was admitted to the University and was in the same department as the boy. But a cold diagnosis prevented her from reporting to the University. She was ill. In the darkest and most helpless days of his life, the boy was quiet and brave enough to take care of her. He even became her boyfriend. She overdraw that feeling willfully. Because she thought she would leave the world soon and die contentedly in the warm arms of the boy, so did the boy. But she miraculously survived year after year. She slowly recovered. She was still beautiful, but the boy became silent and haggard. Tonight, when they talked about marriage, she cried to the boy and said don’t force yourself. The boy yelled and told her that the girl in red he loved had already married and had children. Now, it’s the same for him to marry any other girl
Before I knew it, I was in tears. After many ups and downs and many salty and light ups and downs, I have come to understand that love is love. It can’t be mixed with a trace of sympathy and compassion. Without any coercion and grievance, we can give up the whole world, but we can’t give up an inch of true and pure love. I suddenly wanted to say to Jian, “really, don’t force yourself, okay?”
“I won’t marry that boy, never, although I love him very much. I bless him forever.” Adele’s voice moistened. She unexpectedly hung up the phone, which made me at a loss. Maybe she just wants to talk to a stranger late at night. She doesn’t need anyone’s comfort.
My marriage is very happy. My husband and I love each other really and deeply. We may not love only one person in our life, but there is often one person who makes you laugh the sweetest and hurt the deepest. There is often a beautiful wound that can not be healed in your body. I fell on the workbench. When I blinked, something cold slipped silently across my cheeks